There Is No Plan

Well, there WAS a plan.

The plan was to shut down this space. To clear everything out and write one final goodbye. To eventually start again, most likely in private, writing for myself like I used to. It was a good plan. It came from a desire to be truly open and honest in my words…in my space.

Plans change.

I am still here. Trying to make sense of the chaos of life. Stealing moments from my kids in order to put down my thoughts. Reheating this morning’s first cup of coffee for what seems like the fifteenth time. Replaying again, in my mind, other plans that I’d had.

I am finally able to admit, as much as I’d like to plan everything, as much as I want my life to progress in a orderly and organized direction, I can’t. I am not capable of planning for everything. It’s frustrating, and often a little heartbreaking that even after all these years, I still get caught off guard.

Some things are unexpected.

Accidents. Moments. Choices. Requests.

Lately, I’ve been struggling with what to do with the unexpected. How to proceed from there. And I’m frustrated. Upset. Scared. Confused. I want to throw away my plan and not bother with the waste of time making a new one would be.

I don’t want to plan anymore.

I want to live.

Say It Again

It’s been FOREVER since I’ve linked up with Stasha for Monday Listicles! I’m so glad that I came back for a super fun one. So, without any more talky-talky, here are my Top 10 Favorite movie quotes.

1. “No more rhymes now, I meant it.”

“Anybody want a peanut?”

-The Princess Bride

2. “It’s supposed to be a challenge, that’s why they call it a shortcut. If it was easy it would just be the way.”

-Road Trip

3. “Its so fluffy!!!”

-Despicable Me

4. “Snozzberrry? Whoever heard of a snozzberry?”

-Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

5. “Thundercats are GO!”

-Juno

6. “I’m not even supposed to be here today!”

-Clerks

7. “Nobody puts Baby in a corner.”

-Dirty Dancing

8. “I feel like I’m taking crazy pills!”

– Zoolander

9. ‘Vegas baby! Vegas!”

– Swingers

10. “They’ve done studies, you know. Sixty percent of the time, it works every time.”

– Anchorman

The Best Ever

December was chaotic. An unexpected death in the family sent us to California for a long weekend. As a result of the expense, Elijah and I decided not to exchange gifts and we tried to scale back our other purchases.   We did, however continue the tradition of taking the kids shopping for their gifts to…

A New Life

Things have been quiet around here and I’m finally feeling quieter inside. It’s not that I haven’t had anything to say, instead, I think I lacked the desire to say what I was thinking or feeling out loud. 2012 was a difficult year. And I just wasn’t able to share those difficulties here, no matter…

The World Ain’t Slowin’ Down

Asher started 3rd Grade yesterday. We all survived…barely. I’ve never been the type of mother to worry over her kids growing older. The more independent they become, the more joy I get from parenting. I love watching them grow, seeing who these little people are becoming. However, this year, preparing for Asher to begin 3rd…

Move Along

This summer began with a breath of wonder and ended with a sigh of relief.   I am not surprised.   There were, of course, some of those idyllic summer moments:       Unfortunately, it seemed like we spent most of the days bickering about how much time had been wasted in front of…

Hanging on a Moment

I have difficulty living in the moment. I don’t carpe diem very well. And I certainly struggle when asked to go with the flow. I’m much better at planning moments than I am at enjoying them. In fact, I think I’d actually prefer to plan things for other people to enjoy. I don’t know why…

Looking Back

Yesterday I turned 35. Pause for effect… I am now 35 years old. Take a breath… I’m not exactly sure how I got to 35 but honestly, 25 seems forever ago. And while I’m certain that I’d never want those years back, I’m not so sure I’m ready to blow out the five candles that…

Three Years of Amelia

Amelia turned three this month. It’s been a big year for her. She started school, got out of diapers, and discovered the Disney Princesses. She is a full blown girlie girl, preferring tutus to pants and requesting pedicures on a regular basis. She loves to shop and is responsible for picking out several pieces in…

Balance Schmalance

This space has been neglected. Sporadic postings and even less sporadic comments with online friends has left me feeling more than a little guilty about going silent. Part of me feels like I need to explain. Part of me feels like every other blogger, actually every other person, has been here and already understands. I…