Full Circle

It’s been far too long since I’ve written a post for Mama Kat’s workshop. I feel like I just haven’t had time to squeeze good writing into my blog this summer. I’ve been too busy posting pictures and fluff about kids and vacations – and the chaos that engulfs our family when we go without a schedule – to actually sit down and compose a post.

I miss it.

Not only writing, which was the reason I started this online adventure in the first place, but also the comments and companionship that comes with sharing in something bigger than just me, alone, banging out my thoughts on a laptop; between the naps, swimming lessons, play dates, and temper tantrums.

Initially, it was the silence of blogging that enticed me. Taking time, alone, to put my thoughts or feelings into words without worrying about what they sounded like outside of my head. Being free to express publicly my opinions and ideas without the fear of judgement because no one was really reading my blog anyway!

As this space grew though, I felt the excitement of being alone WITH other people. I’m still able to have that time with myself; time to sort through the endless days of diapers and dinner and laundry. Time to ruminate on my seemingly epic failures as as wife and mother, as well as time to quietly pat myself on the back for what may seem to others to be the smallest of accomplishments. While simultaneously, sharing all of those days, failures and accomplishments with people who “get it.” People whom I’ve never met or spoken to, yet whom – through our online exchanges, twitter feeds and one-way diatribes – I know.

I miss you.

I miss writing about me – my ideas, feelings, or fears – being hesitant to hit publish, only to find a comment a few hours later full of support, understanding and often validation for what I’d been afraid to express. It was wonderful to discover that, although my thoughts are unique and my hopes, dreams and fears come from my own personal experiences, there are others who share some of the same feelings. I don’t have to be alone in my failings and I can share my successes with people who understand why some days the fact that I didn’t pack a bag, get in the car and drive to Mexico is a success!

I miss that.

This summer has been chaotic. I got so wrapped up in the trips, errands, and activities, while at the same time trying to keep up with the household chores and work, that I got lost. I wasn’t able to use my “me time” for anything besides catching my breath. I didn’t write. I didn’t run. I started smoking again. I read book after book, but mostly as an escape. It took all my energy just to tread water and now I’m feeling somewhat depleted.

So I’m turning again to where I have found so much comfort in the past. I’m writing in the quiet about something that’s been screaming in my head for the past few months.

It’s been far too long since I’ve written a post for Mama Kat’s workshop.

Written in response to a prompt from Mama Kat’s.
#4. Write a post that begins and ends with the same sentence.
    Mama’s Losin’ It
    34 Responses to Full Circle
    1. Julia Nishibata
      August 25, 2011 | 5:56 am

       I have been living your summer w/out diapers or swimming lessons. I get this post. I feel this. I have spent my entire summer putting energy into three days of teacher training workshops and could not think of anything else while they loomed in front of me. I had no energy left over for me, for thinking, much less for writing. “I read book after book, but mostly as an escape.” yep, that's me sis. I get you. (and I have loved seeing your reading list–have at some point read most of them too.) All right, here we are, getting back on the right path. Find some time to look inward and write–i look forward to reading your posts. I have had a few days to detox and finally feel like I have regrouped enough to think about something other than work… xxx

    2. Julia Nishibata
      August 25, 2011 | 5:56 am

       I have been living your summer w/out diapers or swimming lessons. I get this post. I feel this. I have spent my entire summer putting energy into three days of teacher training workshops and could not think of anything else while they loomed in front of me. I had no energy left over for me, for thinking, much less for writing. “I read book after book, but mostly as an escape.” yep, that's me sis. I get you. (and I have loved seeing your reading list–have at some point read most of them too.) All right, here we are, getting back on the right path. Find some time to look inward and write–i look forward to reading your posts. I have had a few days to detox and finally feel like I have regrouped enough to think about something other than work… xxx

    3. Miss Marina Star
      August 25, 2011 | 7:27 am

       It's so nice to know that I'm not the only one who has been a bit lost this summer. I'm relieved to hear that even without kids there could be periods when I don't have time for myself. I have missed hearing about your life and hope that this fall brings you a bit more time to reflect and write as well.

      I love you and am so glad that you “get” me, even from so far away! xoxo

    4. Miss Marina Star
      August 25, 2011 | 7:27 am

       It's so nice to know that I'm not the only one who has been a bit lost this summer. I'm relieved to hear that even without kids there could be periods when I don't have time for myself. I have missed hearing about your life and hope that this fall brings you a bit more time to reflect and write as well.

      I love you and am so glad that you “get” me, even from so far away! xoxo

    5. Krissy Aguilar
      August 25, 2011 | 7:55 am

      This summer? Hectic and quite literally insane. I feel you.  I seem to have forgotten who I am these last few months. Writing saves my sanity, sometimes I feel like it saves my life! That said, if you should pack a bag for Mexico… please let me know. I am so there.

    6. Krissy Aguilar
      August 25, 2011 | 7:55 am

      This summer? Hectic and quite literally insane. I feel you.  I seem to have forgotten who I am these last few months. Writing saves my sanity, sometimes I feel like it saves my life! That said, if you should pack a bag for Mexico… please let me know. I am so there.

    7. Miss Marina Star
      August 25, 2011 | 8:24 am

      After reading your post I was almost ashamed of mine. I was complaining about all the good things that happened in my life this summer and you had so much more to deal with. I think either way, it's easy to lose yourself when taking care of others, even if it's for good things. I find that if I take some time to reflect and share I am better for it.

      Thank you for stopping by.
       

    8. Miss Marina Star
      August 25, 2011 | 8:24 am

      After reading your post I was almost ashamed of mine. I was complaining about all the good things that happened in my life this summer and you had so much more to deal with. I think either way, it's easy to lose yourself when taking care of others, even if it's for good things. I find that if I take some time to reflect and share I am better for it.

      Thank you for stopping by.
       

    9. Jackie
      August 25, 2011 | 12:07 pm

      Welcome back and the perfect prompt for this on Mama Kat!

    10. Jackie
      August 25, 2011 | 12:07 pm

      Welcome back and the perfect prompt for this on Mama Kat!

    11. Miss Marina Star
      August 25, 2011 | 12:16 pm

      Thank you. I didn't plan to write this prompt, but it just sort of flowed out yesterday. I think it was long overdue.

    12. Miss Marina Star
      August 25, 2011 | 12:16 pm

      Thank you. I didn't plan to write this prompt, but it just sort of flowed out yesterday. I think it was long overdue.

    13. Neuffj
      August 25, 2011 | 3:47 pm

      Popping in from Mama's Losin' It.  I miss blogging the way I used to, and I can't seem to find that flow again.  I've been trying and trying and for some reason I am lacking.  I know my readers are feeling it because the comments have lessened and lessened.  I just want some really bloggy connections again.  The Neuff

    14. Neuffj
      August 25, 2011 | 3:47 pm

      Popping in from Mama's Losin' It.  I miss blogging the way I used to, and I can't seem to find that flow again.  I've been trying and trying and for some reason I am lacking.  I know my readers are feeling it because the comments have lessened and lessened.  I just want some really bloggy connections again.  The Neuff

    15. Kid Id
      August 25, 2011 | 6:38 pm

      It's so easy to get lost in the shuffle of life, isn't it. It's amazing how quickly time goes by. Welcome back – looking forward to seeing more of your writing : )

    16. Kid Id
      August 25, 2011 | 6:38 pm

      It's so easy to get lost in the shuffle of life, isn't it. It's amazing how quickly time goes by. Welcome back – looking forward to seeing more of your writing : )

    17. Mrs. Weber
      August 25, 2011 | 7:27 pm

      I love your writing, so compose away! … That is, when you have time. Just remember this blogging stuff is for fun, OK? Don't beat yourself up 😉 Great post for Mama!

    18. Mrs. Weber
      August 25, 2011 | 7:27 pm

      I love your writing, so compose away! … That is, when you have time. Just remember this blogging stuff is for fun, OK? Don't beat yourself up 😉 Great post for Mama!

    19. hilljean
      August 25, 2011 | 8:27 pm

      That's such a great way to describe blogging–alone but with others. That's how I started as well, and honestly, Mama Kat's workshop really got me going as far as writing and contributing goes. I love fueling the Bedlam into something creative 🙂 

    20. hilljean
      August 25, 2011 | 8:27 pm

      That's such a great way to describe blogging–alone but with others. That's how I started as well, and honestly, Mama Kat's workshop really got me going as far as writing and contributing goes. I love fueling the Bedlam into something creative 🙂 

    21. Emily
      August 25, 2011 | 9:10 pm

      How clever a post!  I went through a period of not blogging while I was depressed.  Here's a few hints that  I  found that have worked for me.  I get up when my son gets up, between 6:30 and 7:30 and after settling him in with juice box and pre-breakfast snack, I blog.  If I start looking at my e-mail or Twitter, I will never blog.  The other thing I do is called making use out of “found time”, for instance when I have insomnia or get up before my child.  I figure I would have been sleeping anyway, so I might as well use this time to write!  Good luck getting back into the swing of things.  

    22. Emily
      August 25, 2011 | 9:10 pm

      How clever a post!  I went through a period of not blogging while I was depressed.  Here's a few hints that  I  found that have worked for me.  I get up when my son gets up, between 6:30 and 7:30 and after settling him in with juice box and pre-breakfast snack, I blog.  If I start looking at my e-mail or Twitter, I will never blog.  The other thing I do is called making use out of “found time”, for instance when I have insomnia or get up before my child.  I figure I would have been sleeping anyway, so I might as well use this time to write!  Good luck getting back into the swing of things.  

    23. Miss Marina Star
      August 30, 2011 | 10:18 pm

      I'd love to get up before my children but unfortunately, I'm the type of person who prefers to sleep later than they do! I work nights, so my sleep schedule is erratic at best. I saw that you follow Norms Book Club on twitter as do I, but I haven't even read those books! I'm such a lurker!! 🙂

      Thanks for the tips though, I am doing my best to keep up with my reading.

    24. Miss Marina Star
      August 30, 2011 | 10:18 pm

      I'd love to get up before my children but unfortunately, I'm the type of person who prefers to sleep later than they do! I work nights, so my sleep schedule is erratic at best. I saw that you follow Norms Book Club on twitter as do I, but I haven't even read those books! I'm such a lurker!! 🙂

      Thanks for the tips though, I am doing my best to keep up with my reading.

    25. Miss Marina Star
      August 30, 2011 | 10:19 pm

      I loved your blog and plan to visit it often. Thanks for coming by to read mine. I do find that Mama Kat's helps me stay on task and gives me some great ideas for new and interesting posts.

    26. Miss Marina Star
      August 30, 2011 | 10:19 pm

      I loved your blog and plan to visit it often. Thanks for coming by to read mine. I do find that Mama Kat's helps me stay on task and gives me some great ideas for new and interesting posts.

    27. Miss Marina Star
      August 30, 2011 | 10:20 pm

      I can't believe you love my writing?! Your site is amazing and I love how open and intuitive your posts are. I am trying to remind myself that I do this because I enjoy it and for no other reason.

      Again, thanks for stopping by.

    28. Miss Marina Star
      August 30, 2011 | 10:20 pm

      I can't believe you love my writing?! Your site is amazing and I love how open and intuitive your posts are. I am trying to remind myself that I do this because I enjoy it and for no other reason.

      Again, thanks for stopping by.

    29. Miss Marina Star
      August 30, 2011 | 10:22 pm

      Thank you! I do find that without a schedule I get a little disorganized and can't seem to stay focused. I started this blog to write more, and sometimes it seems like I'm so worried about putting something up that I'll just write anything. I need to remember why I wanted to start writing and do it for that reason only.

    30. Miss Marina Star
      August 30, 2011 | 10:22 pm

      Thank you! I do find that without a schedule I get a little disorganized and can't seem to stay focused. I started this blog to write more, and sometimes it seems like I'm so worried about putting something up that I'll just write anything. I need to remember why I wanted to start writing and do it for that reason only.

    31. funnyorsnot
      January 11, 2012 | 10:06 pm

      I found most of my best blogging buddies through memes and a couple specifically through MamaKats.  Yet, I am rarely organized to participate anymore.  I love the blogging community.  It sounds like we started much the same way.  I had no idea it even existed.  I just started writing – and it has brought me access to such a diverse group of talented people.

    32. funnyorsnot
      January 11, 2012 | 10:06 pm

      I found most of my best blogging buddies through memes and a couple specifically through MamaKats.  Yet, I am rarely organized to participate anymore.  I love the blogging community.  It sounds like we started much the same way.  I had no idea it even existed.  I just started writing – and it has brought me access to such a diverse group of talented people.

    33. Miss Marina Star
      January 12, 2012 | 10:58 am

      I am so ridiculously unorganized when it comes to my writing on this blog. I usually throw a post together the day before and just hope it doesn't have too many typos or grammatical errors. I've always sort of been good under pressure.

      I have found so many people through link-ups, I'm sort of addicted to them. Also, I'm a little afraid that no one would stop by if they didn't have to! 🙂

    34. Miss Marina Star
      January 12, 2012 | 10:58 am

      I am so ridiculously unorganized when it comes to my writing on this blog. I usually throw a post together the day before and just hope it doesn't have too many typos or grammatical errors. I've always sort of been good under pressure.

      I have found so many people through link-ups, I'm sort of addicted to them. Also, I'm a little afraid that no one would stop by if they didn't have to! 🙂