Not Your Ordinary Motherly Advice

I was intrigued by Mama Kat’s prompt to write advice to a new mother. I don’t consider myself an expert in this department, despite having had two children, but I do think that I might have some interesting, unconventional, thoughts to share on the subject.

Bear with me:

1. Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a wonderful new little bundle of soul-sucking joy. I mean that, of course, in the sweetest of ways. With so many people wanting, yet unable, to have children you are blessed beyond measure. However, don’t let that overcome you with guilt about any feelings of resentment you may have towards your new little love. Motherhood is a sacrifice. Not only of the body, but also of the mind and soul. You will become intimately acquainted with all your faults and failings, but you will also find strength and wisdom when you least expect it. You will feel proud of what you’ve accomplished, yet also, at times conflicted about how this new life makes you feel. Don’t be ashamed. Every parent has felt this way, some just refuse to acknowledge it.

2. Drink. I’m totally serious about this one. ESPECIALLY if you a nursing. You’ve already probably laid off the sauce for the past 12 months and are hankering for a cosmo, martini, glass of wine, or PBR. It’s okay. Don’t worry about “pumping and dumping” just wait until the evening feeding after you’ve had dinner, prop your feet up in a comfy chair, let the little one latch on, and sip your favorite adult beverage while watching whatever your latest guilty pleasure is. Your milk will come down so much easier if you’re relaxed and satisfied. And your body will have enough time to process all the alchohol before baby’s next feeding. I consider it a win/win for all!

3. Find a friend. This can be someone with or without kids, so long as they understand that you are inexplicable tied to the little monsters. You need to have someone who doesn’t judge you for however you feel about motherhood. Someone who is willing to listen to you cry and bitch about how perfect your boobs used to be, and maybe even be handy at helping you shop for bras. Seriously, you need a good friend that doesn’t mind you calling home in the middle of a girls night out to ask about your little ones bowel movements. This are not a friend that needs to be willing to babysit, this will be a friend for you. Someone who helps to remind you that although you’re now wiping another person’s butt on a regular basis, you are so much more than that.

I cannot express enough that being a mother is difficult. It’s not all sunshine and rainbows. You WILL want to lock yourself in the bathroom at times and that’s OK. Just realize that anyone with children has been there before. Try to surround yourself with people who are willing to overlook the awful things you say about your kids (like this post) and don’t beat yourself up about the bad days.

Also, invest now for their therapy. It will help assuage the guilt when you just can’t drink another cup of imaginary tea or play another game of Candyland.

Written in response to a prompt from Mama Kat’s.
#5. Advice to new mothers.
    Mama’s Losin’ It
    8 Responses to Not Your Ordinary Motherly Advice
    1. Mssharealot
      September 15, 2011 | 5:12 pm

      So honest, and so funny!  What a great list!

    2. Mssharealot
      September 15, 2011 | 5:12 pm

      So honest, and so funny!  What a great list!

    3. Julia Nishibata
      September 16, 2011 | 10:23 am

      i loved this! it made me laugh. glad you are honest and straight about your experience with motherhood. one of my friends summed up the complexity during a conversation when she said “I love them with all my heart, could not live without them, but sometimes, occasionally, guiltily, I wish that I did not have them.” Then she said “and I will deny every having said that!”

    4. Julia Nishibata
      September 16, 2011 | 10:23 am

      i loved this! it made me laugh. glad you are honest and straight about your experience with motherhood. one of my friends summed up the complexity during a conversation when she said “I love them with all my heart, could not live without them, but sometimes, occasionally, guiltily, I wish that I did not have them.” Then she said “and I will deny every having said that!”

    5. Miss Marina Star
      September 18, 2011 | 3:58 pm

      I'm glad you enjoyed it!

    6. Miss Marina Star
      September 18, 2011 | 3:58 pm

      I'm glad you enjoyed it!

    7. Miss Marina Star
      September 18, 2011 | 4:03 pm

      It's true Julia. Most women would totally lie about their secret “unsaddled” wishes. We're not supposed to have any other desire in life but to serve our families. And while I think that raising my babies is one of the most important things I'll ever do, it shouldn't be the ONLY thing I ever want to do. You can't be a good mother without balance.

    8. Miss Marina Star
      September 18, 2011 | 4:03 pm

      It's true Julia. Most women would totally lie about their secret “unsaddled” wishes. We're not supposed to have any other desire in life but to serve our families. And while I think that raising my babies is one of the most important things I'll ever do, it shouldn't be the ONLY thing I ever want to do. You can't be a good mother without balance.