Trust

I am an introvert.

I do well in small groups, with people I already know and feel comfortable around. I can fake it, if necessary, but not for long, and with varying results.

When I meet new people I usually smile, say hello, and then either stay and listen to their conversation, or move on. Either way, it takes a bit before new acquaintances actually get something of substance out of me.

I am protective of myself and my feelings. I am warm and kind and yes, even sincere, but I am also secretive and scared.

I am a blogger.

I discuss some of my most personal feelings and experiences in a public manner.

I put my insecurities on display for the whole wide web to read, expecting nothing in return, but always hoping to connect with someone who has, or may have had, the same feelings and/or insecurities.

I am an introverted blogger.

The two might seem incongruous, but they really aren’t.

I don’t mind opening up online because we are all participating, we are all sharing something. Blogging is a quid pro quo relationship wherein we all give up a little of ourselves, and get support and reassurance in return. I love my online life and the friendships I’m cultivating here.

When I finally meet up with these “bloggy friends,” we will hug. We’ve already shared countless cups of “virtual” coffee and numerous personal anecdotes. We both know names and birthdays, accomplishments and setbacks. We’re friends, and that friendship is based partly on mutual sharing; neither one being more vulnerable than the other.

Again, let me restate that I am an introverted blogger.

I get anxious when someone from my ‘real life’, who isn’t family or pre-blog friends, begins to read my blog. Most people that I see on a daily basis don’t even know I write, and wouldn’t really know how to find my space, but on occasion, I will tell a new friend about it.

Then I will proceed to go home and throw up.

Seriously though, sharing myself so completely makes me vulnerable and therefore, uncomfortable. Especially if the friendship is new. Granting someone access to my private thoughts, feelings and fears without having to earn it – whether by years of following online, or getting together in person – is a risk.

There is no quid pro quo in real life, like we have online, but there should be.

Here’s my advice to anyone who may have stumbled across, or been given information about, a real-in-your-life-person’s blog. Especially if it’s mine.

  • Comment, you can do it via email if that’s more comfortable for you. 
  • Let me know you were visiting, or tell me about something you read that you enjoyed.
  • Share something about yourself with me.

If you think about it, reading my blog, in it’s entirety, is the equivalent of two years of weekly coffee visits.

What would you have shared with me over that time?

Mama’s Losin’ It
46 Responses to Trust
  1. thepsychobabble
    January 12, 2012 | 10:23 am

    I get all weird about people I know, in a face-to-face manner, reading my blog, too.

  2. thepsychobabble
    January 12, 2012 | 10:23 am

    I get all weird about people I know, in a face-to-face manner, reading my blog, too.

  3. Emily @ Emily's Thought Blog
    January 12, 2012 | 10:24 am

    You and I are a lot alike! I'm pretty introverted as well. I also get nervous when real life people read my blog. I'm so,glad I found your blog!

  4. Emily @ Emily's Thought Blog
    January 12, 2012 | 10:24 am

    You and I are a lot alike! I'm pretty introverted as well. I also get nervous when real life people read my blog. I'm so,glad I found your blog!

  5. Alison
    January 12, 2012 | 10:31 am

    I'm very introverted too.  I think I would die if I found out anyone I knew in real life read my blog.  I find it's much easier to share things in writing as opposed to in person. 

  6. Alison
    January 12, 2012 | 10:31 am

    I'm very introverted too.  I think I would die if I found out anyone I knew in real life read my blog.  I find it's much easier to share things in writing as opposed to in person. 

  7. Miss Marina Star
    January 12, 2012 | 10:43 am

    I agree. Writing gives me a chance to get my point across more effectively than if I were speaking face to face.

    I don't mind old friends and family, but it does make me anxious to know someone “new” is reading.

  8. Miss Marina Star
    January 12, 2012 | 10:43 am

    I agree. Writing gives me a chance to get my point across more effectively than if I were speaking face to face.

    I don't mind old friends and family, but it does make me anxious to know someone “new” is reading.

  9. Miss Marina Star
    January 12, 2012 | 10:47 am

    It's true, we do have a lot in common.

    Try not to abandon me when you realize just how much we used to have in common.

  10. Miss Marina Star
    January 12, 2012 | 10:47 am

    It's true, we do have a lot in common.

    Try not to abandon me when you realize just how much we used to have in common.

  11. Miss Marina Star
    January 12, 2012 | 10:50 am

    I am so relieved that I'm not the only person who has felt this way.

  12. Miss Marina Star
    January 12, 2012 | 10:50 am

    I am so relieved that I'm not the only person who has felt this way.

  13. Jamie
    January 12, 2012 | 1:21 pm

    This is wonderful Marina…an introverted blogger. That is so spot on. It's funny, my husband has the gift of verbal communication. He can get up in front of groups and talk for an hour from nothing but a sparse outline.  ..You are a gift communicator through the written word.  Keep writing…oh introverted blogger. 

  14. Jamie
    January 12, 2012 | 1:21 pm

    This is wonderful Marina…an introverted blogger. That is so spot on. It's funny, my husband has the gift of verbal communication. He can get up in front of groups and talk for an hour from nothing but a sparse outline.  ..You are a gift communicator through the written word.  Keep writing…oh introverted blogger. 

  15. Life As Wife
    January 12, 2012 | 2:05 pm

    Some of the best stuff comes from people IRL so it's hard when they start reading

  16. Life As Wife
    January 12, 2012 | 2:05 pm

    Some of the best stuff comes from people IRL so it's hard when they start reading

  17. littlemutantgirl
    January 12, 2012 | 2:11 pm

    Yes, yes and more yes. There is only one person who I am friends with in the non-blogging world who knows where to find me, she's the only person I trust and I'm fairly sure if I linked other people I would be in a state of perpetual anxiety.
    I love your blog, I love the little blogging community we have and I love how warm it makes me feel when we all share these little parts of ourselves.

  18. littlemutantgirl
    January 12, 2012 | 2:11 pm

    Yes, yes and more yes. There is only one person who I am friends with in the non-blogging world who knows where to find me, she's the only person I trust and I'm fairly sure if I linked other people I would be in a state of perpetual anxiety.
    I love your blog, I love the little blogging community we have and I love how warm it makes me feel when we all share these little parts of ourselves.

  19. Miss Marina Star
    January 12, 2012 | 2:42 pm

    It's funny because the more bloggers I get to know, the more I realize that I am not the only introvert out here. You'd think in such a public place we'd all be extroverts, but we're really just peeking out from behind our screens. 🙂

  20. Miss Marina Star
    January 12, 2012 | 2:42 pm

    It's funny because the more bloggers I get to know, the more I realize that I am not the only introvert out here. You'd think in such a public place we'd all be extroverts, but we're really just peeking out from behind our screens. 🙂

  21. Miss Marina Star
    January 12, 2012 | 2:43 pm

    I know, right? Plus, it's hard when you're fighting with your IRL people and you don't have a place to vent!

  22. Miss Marina Star
    January 12, 2012 | 2:43 pm

    I know, right? Plus, it's hard when you're fighting with your IRL people and you don't have a place to vent!

  23. Miss Marina Star
    January 12, 2012 | 2:44 pm

    “A state of perpetual anxiety…” love it! That's exactly how I feel.

  24. Miss Marina Star
    January 12, 2012 | 2:44 pm

    “A state of perpetual anxiety…” love it! That's exactly how I feel.

  25. Jessica
    January 12, 2012 | 2:54 pm

    I am the same way. In real life I am introvert but online I open up a lot. It's interesting when the two worlds collide. I try to keep my blog away from my real life people but it's not always easy to do. 

  26. Jessica
    January 12, 2012 | 2:54 pm

    I am the same way. In real life I am introvert but online I open up a lot. It's interesting when the two worlds collide. I try to keep my blog away from my real life people but it's not always easy to do. 

  27. Miss Marina Star
    January 12, 2012 | 8:11 pm

    That's how I've been, blogging and personal life separate, but you're right it's not always easy…or possible. 🙂

  28. Miss Marina Star
    January 12, 2012 | 8:11 pm

    That's how I've been, blogging and personal life separate, but you're right it's not always easy…or possible. 🙂

  29. Michelle Carlson Youngquist
    January 12, 2012 | 11:27 pm

    Your first line, “I do well in small groups, with people I know” caught me.  That's me!  I will never understand  how I managed to sit on our local PTA board and eventually be President and lead meetings….because that is so not the way I usually roll…..but I did it and did it well. I still will sit quietly listening when I'm in a group of people I don't know, but I know I can say something if I want to.  I just usually don't want to!  Thanks for posting, I really like it!

  30. Michelle Carlson Youngquist
    January 12, 2012 | 11:27 pm

    Your first line, “I do well in small groups, with people I know” caught me.  That's me!  I will never understand  how I managed to sit on our local PTA board and eventually be President and lead meetings….because that is so not the way I usually roll…..but I did it and did it well. I still will sit quietly listening when I'm in a group of people I don't know, but I know I can say something if I want to.  I just usually don't want to!  Thanks for posting, I really like it!

  31. Miss Marina Star
    January 13, 2012 | 9:59 am

    I think it's wonderful that you were able to overcome your shyness and do some great things with your PTA.

    Glad you can relate. Thanks for stopping by!

  32. Miss Marina Star
    January 13, 2012 | 9:59 am

    I think it's wonderful that you were able to overcome your shyness and do some great things with your PTA.

    Glad you can relate. Thanks for stopping by!

  33. sperk77
    January 13, 2012 | 10:37 am

    I don't even do well in small groups.  As a child, I clung to my mom's leg anytime we were in public. I am still mad that I grew too big to get away with this behavior. Even when I write for  my blog, I still get that feeling–like clinging or hiding.  I have to fight it. I don't think I share the most personal of information, but it takes courage and is a good exercise in bravery.  Thanks for being brave here, in your blog.

  34. sperk77
    January 13, 2012 | 10:37 am

    I don't even do well in small groups.  As a child, I clung to my mom's leg anytime we were in public. I am still mad that I grew too big to get away with this behavior. Even when I write for  my blog, I still get that feeling–like clinging or hiding.  I have to fight it. I don't think I share the most personal of information, but it takes courage and is a good exercise in bravery.  Thanks for being brave here, in your blog.

  35. Stasha
    January 13, 2012 | 11:48 am

    Love this 
    'If you think about it, reading my blog, in it's entirety, is the equivalent of two years of weekly coffee visits.' So true. I am a very chatty person (mostly because when I am nervous I talk too much) but never anything personal. I think the opposite is true for my bloggy persona. 
    This is a great summary of what blogging is to us women. 

  36. Stasha
    January 13, 2012 | 11:48 am

    Love this 
    'If you think about it, reading my blog, in it's entirety, is the equivalent of two years of weekly coffee visits.' So true. I am a very chatty person (mostly because when I am nervous I talk too much) but never anything personal. I think the opposite is true for my bloggy persona. 
    This is a great summary of what blogging is to us women. 

  37. Leanne
    January 13, 2012 | 8:55 pm

    Interesting. But I have no idea. At least you've given me something to think about and that's good…

  38. Leanne
    January 13, 2012 | 8:55 pm

    Interesting. But I have no idea. At least you've given me something to think about and that's good…

  39. Jamie Walker
    January 14, 2012 | 1:30 pm

    GREAT post!  And I know exactly what you mean.  Exactly.  If someone brings up reading my blog in a social setting I try to run away, brush it off, or just laugh and say oh thanks.  I don't want to talk about it  It's nice to know you're reading it and that's enough.

  40. Jamie Walker
    January 14, 2012 | 1:30 pm

    GREAT post!  And I know exactly what you mean.  Exactly.  If someone brings up reading my blog in a social setting I try to run away, brush it off, or just laugh and say oh thanks.  I don't want to talk about it  It's nice to know you're reading it and that's enough.

  41. Julie Gardner
    January 14, 2012 | 5:12 pm

    I am always amazed by some of the people who DO read my blog – acquaintances I barely know; a friend I haven't seen for twenty years; my sister's co-workers. They rarely comment, but at random times, I will discover this unexpected support and when I do, I'm speechless. (And also grateful and awestruck.)

    And then I'm amazed by some of the people who do NOT read my blog – a few of my current best friends and closest family members. I suppose it may be because they know my life; or they're busy; or they trust that I will understand.

    I mostly do. But sometimes, I wish they'd read. And comment. That my thin skin could feel their support.
     
    An introverted blogger?

    I get that. For real.
    And I really “get” this honest post.

  42. Julie Gardner
    January 14, 2012 | 5:12 pm

    I am always amazed by some of the people who DO read my blog – acquaintances I barely know; a friend I haven't seen for twenty years; my sister's co-workers. They rarely comment, but at random times, I will discover this unexpected support and when I do, I'm speechless. (And also grateful and awestruck.)

    And then I'm amazed by some of the people who do NOT read my blog – a few of my current best friends and closest family members. I suppose it may be because they know my life; or they're busy; or they trust that I will understand.

    I mostly do. But sometimes, I wish they'd read. And comment. That my thin skin could feel their support.
     
    An introverted blogger?

    I get that. For real.
    And I really “get” this honest post.

  43. mamakatslosinit
    January 15, 2012 | 11:49 pm

    I wonder how many of us out here 100% relate to this. I think blogging is the introverted person's safe place. We can share our thoughts truly and honestly and at a pace we're comfortable with…and we don't need to leave the comfort of our home in the process. Win win! Blogging has actually taught me a lot about coming out of my shell and being open to new experiences. It's really good therapy!

  44. mamakatslosinit
    January 15, 2012 | 11:49 pm

    I wonder how many of us out here 100% relate to this. I think blogging is the introverted person's safe place. We can share our thoughts truly and honestly and at a pace we're comfortable with…and we don't need to leave the comfort of our home in the process. Win win! Blogging has actually taught me a lot about coming out of my shell and being open to new experiences. It's really good therapy!

  45. Liz
    January 16, 2012 | 7:19 am

    Introvert and blogging can totally go together. I think it comes down to what you choose to share online. Although I wouldn't call myself an introvert, I'm not one to get deep or personal in posts, though I know some really bare their souls.

  46. Liz
    January 16, 2012 | 7:19 am

    Introvert and blogging can totally go together. I think it comes down to what you choose to share online. Although I wouldn't call myself an introvert, I'm not one to get deep or personal in posts, though I know some really bare their souls.